“Regarding your worth post– what is your advice when others find you worthy but you don’t value yourself?” – an “Ask Me Anything” question…
Answer:
Oof… That’s a tough one.
It’s hard when others see things in us that we just can’t see for ourselves. I have been there too, so I get this – completely!
On this topic, a friend made a great point…
Self-worth is an interesting concept. It is real that we should value ourselves, but I often think that it is more real that our concept of our personal value should match the reality of our personal value. John Paul Sartre talked about the kind of cognitive dissonance that happens when the reality of who we are does not match who it is we think we are.. he referred to it as being in bad faith with ourselves. Perhaps it’s more important that we see what our actual worth is and then strive to bring our concept of self into alignment with that reality. Which allows us the ability to improve in areas where we feel deficient and also celebrate the areas where we succeed.
It was well stated, and a very valid thought. This part really stands out to me though:
Perhaps it’s more important that we see what our actual worth is and then strive to bring our concept of self into alignment with that reality.
What is our actual worth?
I think for each human being, there comes a time where we need to take a real, personal inventory of who we are.
Not the inventory we do when we look in the mirror and put ourselves down, and not the one we take when we make a mistake and call ourselves “stupid.”
No, I am talking about an honest assessment of who we are, what strengths and weaknesses we have, and where we want to be with that as well. Now, this is NOT for the faint of heart, as it requires that we are open and honest with ourselves and that is harddddd for most people to truly do.
And when we do that, it’s highly likely that who we see ourselves as will not measure up to who we want ourselves to be. I know it wasn’t for me.
That requires action.
What we see missing, we need to take action to correct that. If we are missing a character trait, how do we work to put that in place within ourselves? If we are missing education and information, how do we educate ourselves? If we are feeling like we are much less than we want to be, what can we do to correct this?
That is a very personal question, honestly. And I do think a lot of that is answered from within, if we are truly open to that process.
BUT – and hear me on this –
This is where the change happens.
As you begin to actively work on where you want to be, you start getting closer to that, and your self-confidence and self-worth begin to grow. You finally begin to start seeing some of what other people see, and – believe it or not – will eventually grow past what others see!
It’s within that self growth that you truly begin to learn who you are, and you can begin to shape who you want to be. For most of us, we are what life and parents have shaped us to be – not what we wanted. Most people never stop and look beyond that – and therefore most people never move past that.
You’re no longer a child. You have the ability and freedom as an adult to shape who you are and who you will be. But you have to make that decision and do the work to get there.
That’s the best way to begin to see what others see, honestly. Because as you begin to see the improvements within yourself, you start to drop the self-hate talk and putting yourself down shit that we all tend to do – because you are replacing it with positive reinforcements from within.
This can take time, or it can begin to change quickly. That will vary from person to person. But you are the only person who can determine who you want to be, and if you don’t do that – the world will define that for you.
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